Clouded with Sweet LA Smog

Recently, a lovely piece was written in the world renown LA Times about the difference between San Diego and Los Angeles. Since LA is "where all the winners reside", FF thought it was worth a little investigation as to why that might be.

The "Dodgers, Angels, Lakers and Trojans" are clearly far superior to the Padres, Chargers, and Aztecs; there is obviously some advantage to playing sports in LA. FF research has clearly linked this advantage to LA's most abundant natural resource. Prior to the Beijing Olympics, we could not pinpoint the precise advantage our omnipotent neighbors to the North had over our "dinky town down south". It's clear as an LA day that smog has given a competitive advantage to teams hailing from LA as well as all those athletes that broke World and Olympic records in Beijing. If only Usain Bolt had competed in the '84 games - he probably would have run an 8.55.

This argument is additionally supported by Matt Leinart's decline in the desert. How could such a precipitous drop in the former USC star's game be explained? We're also confident that if the Bengals moved from lowly Ohio to great LA, Carson Palmer would also regain his Heisman form. Ditto for San Diegan Reggie Bush. Smog makes gods, no doubt.

Given that we have now definitively established that LA's abundant number one natural resource is gives it an advantage, how can us San Dieagans find a way to compete? After copious amounts of research at San Diego university libraries, we didn't find too much. With the great weather and subdued attitude of San Diegans, we weren't real motivated to find an answer. But that's when it hit us - the problem is that SDSU, UCSD, and USD are located in areas that are too cushy. Perhaps if these colleges were located somewhere that occasionally riots, we'd be motivated to do great things to get the hell out too. This line of argument holds well for why Yale produces so many Presidents and why the University of Pennsylvania dominates Wall Street.

In the end, us San Diegans just have to accept that LA is sooooo much better. Even the Border Patrol admits this. San Diego is left unprotected while the Border Patrol carefully sets up checkpoints just north of San Diego to ensure that LA's abundant resource is not sopped up by those illegal aliens. We recommend that LA puts up their own fence to keep us losers out. We promise that you won't be doing us a favor in the process.